Sometimes, you’ll find out you don’t mesh with people anymore.
It will feel like it’s you – to be honest, I still haven’t convinced myself it isn’t (it’s a work in progress), but as your very wise therapist pointed out yesterday, there are patterns around you you keep falling into. People you find yourself around that play out patterns/behaviours that are familiar to you and you’ve grown up with.
So, it’s not you; it might be your patterns and falling in with people who fit those patterns to a tee, but you’re not the reason you don’t mesh with people anymore.
It’s the fact you’re unlearning those patterns, that you’re growing a bit of a backbone, that you’re trying to escape the trauma and disordered coping mechanisms when people are holding onto you like double-sided sticky tape.
People are dropping like flies because you’re realising others don’t like this version of you, but you do. They want you to need saving, to need them, and not to be as self-sufficient as you are.
You're allowed to like this new version of you.
2nd November 2024