It’s okay to feel confused towards your family.
It’s okay to hate them whilst having a deep-set, almost guilt-laden love for them. Tangled up in questions about their behaviour, both good and bad.
It’s okay to have no clue how to respond or feel when they are ill, close to dying or when they die.
Sometimes, unfortunately, family isn’t warm and fuzzy feelings. It’s the ghosts in your past and the flashbacks that haunt you, interspersed with a memory or two that makes you smile.
A ‘good’ memory that could be counted as another person’s semi-decent family baseline.
I really wish it weren’t the case, but that’s how life is.
Know that family is what you make of it, even if it’s just you, a few friends, and a ridiculous amount of plants. And the obligation you feel towards your blood relations will wane, but it will still be there.
Ultimately, you have to decide how much your mental health is worth to engage with them.
(Spoiler alert: It’s not worth it.)
(Spoiler alert: I’m still having trouble in 2024, but it’s better—comparatively, it’s so much better. And we’re improving at not letting an interaction effect us each year.)
28th October 2024